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The 5 Levels of Gamer

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Level 1:

Non gamers can be like fully fledged atheists. They couldn’t comprehend your religion even if they tried.

They have no childhood ties to video games, they still think computers are just a fad and their Nokia 3220 has a game on it called snake they will never play.

Whether for lack of skill or will they decide it’s best avoid videogames, because eventually all the people involved will get square eyes. Obviously.

You are forgiven and forgotten when videogames are raised, because more than likely you are too old to have played anything that wasn’t a pinball machine.

Level 2:

Casual gamers don’t actively seek out to play video games but somehow get involved in the odd Call of Duty or FIFA game at a mates house. You don’t actually own a videogame console.

People think that just because you’re a little younger you should understand how videogames or computers work. You don’t.

It happens, you’re at your friends house with nothing to do and they say something like “Hey wanna play FIFA?” to which you reply “OK cool, but im not very good.”

Look you’re always going to get beaten with that mentality, and if you ever play Call of Duty you’re just making up the numbers.

You literally have no thumb dexterity.

On the rare occasion the controller will be thrust into your lap but you will never actively seek out a game.

You do however have angry birds and candy crush installed on your iphone 3G and you constantly annoy all your facebook friends with endless requests from Candy Crush Saga.

Level 3:

You actually own a videogame console. Which is a start. It is more than likely a Nintendo Wii. Sigh.

No look I don’t hold it against you and your willingness to get fit based off the balance board which is now far more functional as a dust gatherer in your entertainment cupboard.

Even I love Wii fit and Wii sports, but by the time it takes us to find the controller, buy new batteries and work out what channel your Wii is attached to I’m already exhausted.

On the plus side you actually understand how video games operate so you won’t come dead last when we play Halo. You manage to camp in an area covered by one of your highly skilled friends and you kill your casual gamer friend until they crack the shits and give up.

You claim to be awesome at Solitaire, which I don’t doubt. Given that you literally have no other game of interest installed on you Windows 98 PC.

Level 4:

You own a console and play games on your PC. And when I say games I mean other than Solitaire and Minesweeper.

You hold your own in a death match and you even won a couple of games at one stage.

For Christmas your uncle buys you video games, usually the latest version of Call of Duty, FIFA or Need for Speed. You play them for a couple of hours but you will never finish them before the next Christmas comes and you receive the next game in the series.

Your PS3 is hooked up to the internet though. Every now and then you play online. It’s good fun but your dad uses the same TV to watch his shows and you rarely get the chance to play the PS3.

It’s ok you have FIFA on your iphone 5 and all your players are 90 overalls which means Manchester United has won every championship in the last 5 years.

One day you have the potential to develop into a gaming addict when you accidently come across a game called DOTA that you decide to devote 20,000 hours of your life becoming the very best at.

Level 5:

You own more than 2 consoles and a high end PC. The standard Intel fan that came boxed with your processor was insufficient. You have an extensive array of headsets, mice, keyboards and controllers and over the years you’ve amassed quite the collection.

Your gaming library dwarfs most but you never have enough to play. You have actually had to consider at some stage what other storage space will be potentially viable for you collection to flow onto.

You have more than one online gaming account, usually Steam, Xbox Live and PSN.

You have been to a midnight release of a video game. More than likely one you pre-ordered that got delayed 5 times before you could actually go and pick it up. You bought DLC for that same game even though it was a farce that it was DLC.

You have bought limited releases of games just for extra items such as; figurines, extra content, beta access, limited edition controllers or access codes.

Some people have decided they will no longer play certain games with you. But you don’t care because you’re level 5 and leveling up is what gaming is all about.

Living with a Gamer

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I’ve been a gamer far longer than I’ve been a boyfriend.

I’d like to say I’m equally good at both, but truthfully I’m probably a better gamer than partner.

I don’t think my partner fully realised the extent of my obsession until it was too late. Like any addict I covered it up, hidden beneath the surface knowing in some way it would be a sticking point if it was revealed.

My partner is a non gamer. Sometimes she falls in the ‘casual gamer’ category but it usually only goes as far as getting briefly addicted to Plants vs Zombies, Candy Crush or Angry Birds. I will add one exemption to this rule. For some reason she is phenomenally good at Mariokart 64, this will forever baffle me. It could also be that I’m phenomenally bad at Mariokart and just not willing to admit it, but I’d never admit that.

On occasion (all the time) I have prioritised video games over chores. I am now the master of cleaning between death matches. As the game loads I will wash some dishes, when I hear the start tone I madly run to the controller. The jobs still get done, eventually.

My partner has always had to relinquish storage space to exorbitant sized laptops and desktops, numerous consoles and stacks of video games. I distinctly remember her coming home to see my latest desktop computer and inquiring if it was a heater. We haven’t lived in a house where the TV and Xbox weren’t given pride of place, pushing her crafty fabrics and lentils out of the way to make space for the collection I have amassed.

The common discussion after I purchase a new game is “surely you don’t need any more games?” I have no rebuttal to this, as this is more than likely a fair point. Usually I’ll respond with “surely you don’t need any more clothes or shoes?” Stale mate.

She puts up with my bizarre references to video games she has never played and would never dream of playing. I have, on several occasions told her “the cake is a lie” or asked her “would you kindly?” only to be met with a blank stare. Trying to understand either of those references out of context is near impossible. “So, there is this super computer A.I called GlaDos and she tries to kill you during experiments but you have a gun that can fire portals that is like a teleportation device and she makes you do all these experiments for cake, but there is no cake…” Yep I definitely sound stupid.

Often I will tell her about a concept of a videogame, the fundamental story or game play that sets it apart. I know she tries her hardest to stay with it but let’s be fair, games have some pretty bizarre concepts. Mass Effect more colloquially became called “the game where you talk lots”. Which is actually a pretty fair summation of that game when I think about it.

At the end of it all I think my partner understands. Through all the years I’d like to think I’ve found a happy medium. Everybody has to have a passion and the few gamers who read this article will understand.

For all my weird behaviour, obscure quotes, library of games, numerous gaming consoles, excessively big computers and meaningless information, she still loves me.

My Life as a Gamer: PS3

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Now I’m not sure if this is common knowledge, but I feel the need to explain regardless. There has always been a division between the fans on SONY, Microsoft and Nintendo. Visit any videogame internet forum and there will always be discussion about who is better. Which leads me to my next console.

In May 2013 I decided to see what SONY has to offer and I bought a second hand PS3. I wanted to experience some of the PS3 exclusive games prior to the start of the next generation. After playing through the Uncharted trilogy, Heavy Rain, Grand Theft Auto V and Shadow of the Colossus I can honestly say the purchase is well worth it. I found great enjoyment in exploring games I previously had missed or overlooked, due to the fact I never had a SONY system.

Shadow of the Colossus

Shadow of the Colossus

Uncharted 2

Uncharted 2

 

 

 

 

 

None more so than Shadow of the Colossus. The game in itself is built on a simple premise but the ambience is truly enthralling. As you ride your trusty steed towards each of the tranquil hulking colossi, you can’t help but be struck by a sense of awe. Unaware of the threat your minuscule frame beholds, the lumbering creature remains peaceful until you strike your first blow. As the creature falls you almost regret your decision, hoping there would be some other way to complete the game rather than fell such a graceful creature. Such is the nature of an emotive videogame.

Next is the conclusion to the series as I reminisce on all the great games and how they have shaped My Life as a Gamer.